I Didn't Appreciate Her Enough

Last week, we reported on the tragic death of Alla Subbotina, a star on the first season of WeTV’s Love After Lockup.

The 31-year-old passed away from an accidental overdose, ultimately falling victim to the addiction she’d battled courageously for her entire adult life.

Sadly, Alla was in and out of prison throughout her final years, and her end didn’t come as much of a shock to her loved ones.

Subbotina’s relationship with James Cristia was the focus of her brief stint on television, and while the exes lost touch with one another in the last days of her life, James’ love for Alla never subsided.

Cristia remained silent in the days following Alla’s death, but when he eventually issued a statement, the depth of his grief was obvious.

"I don’t know how to even process this. Alla, my best friend, my partner, my flame, my other half, my girlfriend, my lover, my support, my patience, my sun and my moon has passed away," he wrote on Facebook, according to Starcasm.

"I’m still processing this, I can’t believe you’re gone, this can’t actually be real," he continued.

"I made so many mistakes, not appreciating you enough is the biggest one that I have ever made."

Cristia’s tribute to his lost love concluded with a heartbreaking pledge of eternal affection:

"Alla you taught me so much, more than anything you taught me what real love is," he wrote.

"I’ve never had anyone love me like you did, your love went deeper and was truer than any feeling that I have ever known," James continued.

"I miss you so fu–ing much and I feel so fu–ing broken right now. I love you babe."

Alla’s mother, Yelena Subbotin, replied to James’ outpouring of grief with a sage reminder to keep pressing on.

"James, thank sooo much for coming she really loves you. It’s meant a lot to us," she wrote, apparently referring to Alla’s funeral.

"And just remember, you Promised me to live, love and success," Yelena Subbotina continued.

"Addiction is just 2 way only: getting sober or dead- nothing in between. Best wishes."

Just before midnight that same day, James shared another message about his abiding love for his troubled ex.

"I keep thinking that this is just a bad dream and that I’m going to wake up and you’ll be there right next me,” he wrote.

“It just doesn’t feel real.”

A friend of Alla’s seems to have given voice to the sadness experienced both by those who knew her, and those who were moved by her very public battle with substance abuse.

"What do you say to the parents who have to put their only child to rest tomorrow," this person wrote on Facebook.

"I’m not going to say anything. Sometimes no words are necessary, our feelings carry so much more power. 

"Yelena Subbotin and Dmitriy Subbotin always carry on with strength knowing you made her proud that God chose you as hers," the friend concluded.

Our thoughts to out James, Yelena, Dmitriy, and all others who loved Alla during her tragically short time on earth.

And we hope all her are familiar with her story will remember that Alla was more than just her struggles.

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